"Russian Brides"

Guest Star Timothy Busfield

This week on Law & Order SVU , the Russian mob is running a Mail Order Bride, aka extortion/kidnapping/murder scam on lonely American businessmen.  The show opens up on a brunette in a short neon skirt, running away from obviously bad men chasing her in a car, at night.  There is a scream.  The next morning, two bus boys find the dead body.  The ME and the cops break it down.  There is no face, the teeth are pulled, and her fingertips are gone.  But the body has two distinct tattoos; one is a butterfly and the other is Cyrillic writing, specific to the Russian mob.  It is the mark of a prostitute with the English translation of “Mother, forgive me.”  “They didn’t want us to know who she was, but they wanted to make sure somebody got the message.”  Cue the theme music.


This time Detectives Odafin Tutuola (Ice-T) and Nick Amaro (Danny Pino) does the canvas in Brighton Beach, also known as Little Odessa due to the large number of Russian immigrants there.  Nobody wants to cooperate with the cops, for fear of retaliation from the mob.  No surprises there.  “Good thing witnesses are like children.  They respond to bribes and threats”, says Tutuola.  Amaro answers, “And they’re easy to trick.”  This is not a summary of the episode, it is a recap of the five best moments of the show.


Here’s the countdown to the Five Best Moments of the Show.
#5 Best Moment of the Show.  Amaro finally reveals a little of his past. When Detective Olivie Benson (Mariska Hargitay) guesses his parents were divorced, he admits it.  Turns out his dad use to bounce his mother off the wall.  We can see his past weighs on him.


#4 Best Moment of the Show. This week’s guest star, Timothy Busfield, plays the lonely businessman who falls in love with his Russian bride.  When she is kidnapped and a ransom is demanded for her safe return, he does exactly what he’s told.  The cops find him waiting by the beach through a cell phone trace, obviously agitated.  When he sees the cops he starts to scream, “You have to get out of here.  They said if I paid, they’d let her go. If I paid, they’d let her go…”  Then, the realization sinks in.  “Is she dead?”


#3 Best Moment of the Show.  Timothy Busfield’s friend, the tax lawyer, advises him to tell the cops everything. He does.  “We met on a Russian matchmaking website.  My buddy use to sleep with 8-10 girls all the time.  But I saw Lena (Izabella Miko) and knew there was something about her.  I had to fly to Moscow to meet her. We had a real soul connection.  One night her ex made a big scene outside her hotel, I could see how scared she was.  We got married.  It was like a fairytale.  One day, they called.  They said they had Lena and would kill her if I didn’t give them all my money.  I dropped the money in the garbage can on the beach.  I was supposed to wait by the carousel.”  It’s so predictable; it was actually painful to hear him retell his tale of seduction and deceit.  It begs the question; just how many scams have the Russian mob pulled so far?


#2 Best Moment of the Show.  An online payment is traced to QuickSecure, a Paypal-esque online credit card processing startup.  Tutuola and Amanda Rollins (Kelli Giddish) try to get an address to Lena’s ex.  QuickSecure is run by geeks who won’t budge. “Our clients pay us top dollar to maintain their privacy.  You want information?  Show me a search warrant.”  He backs down right after Tutuola threatens to shut him down.  “Okay, okay, just don’t call the FBI.  This is the physical address of the website.”  As soon as Tutuola gets the info, the door busts open with G-men.  “This is the FBI. Put your hands up and move away from the keyboards.”  The geek is stunned.  “You lied to us?”  Tutuola leaves him a parting remark,  “Ain’t that a bitch.” I have to admit it felt good to stick it to the online startup.


Finally, the #1 Best Moment of the Show.  Captain Craigan (Dann Florek) goes undercover.  That’s right; Craigan finally gets to stretch his acting chops.  He plays the lonely businessmen, of course. The old "Lena" shows up as the new "Irene".  Craigan opens up about his dead wife, Marge, and his regret over not having any children.  Finally, we learn about Craigan’s personal life.  It’s filled with regret and loss.


In the final scene, the sting fails and the new "Irene" makes Craigan.  She spills her story and says her pimp, Liev, is holding her four year old daughter.  She has to do what Liev says or he’ll kill her daughter.  The cops buy her story and she agrees to set up a sting to catch Liev.  It does not go well.  Liev is spooked and there is a shootout.  Liev is dead.  The new "Irene" cries out in agony, “My daughter is dead.  I’ll never see her again.”  But she is given another chance.  There is a safe house she knows of.  The cops raid it.  But in all the chaos, the new "Irene" escapes.  She kills the uniformed cop assigned to watch her and makes a run for it.  We believe her all the way until the end, when she is cuffed.  She smiles a wicked smile.  This woman is very good at what she does; deceiving men.  Turns out her daughter is dead, but not by Liev.  Liev found her killer years ago and they’ve been working together on these scams ever since.


Next week on Law & Order SVU, a patient in Ward Six accuses an orderly of raping her.  Even she says no one would ever believe her. Why? “He’s sane, I’m not.” Who’s telling the truth?