"Theater Tricks"

Guest Star Fisher Stevens

This week on Law & Order SVU, the show opens on a fantasy sex club/play ala Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut with full face gold animal masks for the male patrons for maximum anonymity, and only the barest of coverings for the female patrons.  Double standards for men and women?  Nothing new there.   A supposedly simulated rape turns out to be real.  Again, no surprises there.  After the performance, Ted Scott (Fisher Stevens), the director of the ‘play’ walks over to the ‘actress’ only to find her dazed and obviously worked over.  Cut to Olivia Benson (Mariska Hargitay) and ADA Alex Cabot (Stephanie March) just finishing up a girl’s night out.  They comment on how much fun they had ice skating.  The relationship feels forced.  The comments do not ring true.  Benson's cell phone rings.  I’m glad that’s over with.  Cut back to the ‘play’ where the director tries to explain to Benson his S&M act is really ‘Immersive Theatre’.  Turns out, the ‘actress’ Meghan Weller (Jenn Proske), was attacked on stage, with the whole audience watching.  Nobody called the police, because everyone thought it was part of the show.  Cue the theme music.   

This is not a summary of the episode; it is a recap of the five best moments of the show.  Here’s the countdown to the Five Best Moments of the Show.

#5 Best Moment of the Show.   Benson interviews Meghan, the victim who thinks she was acting in ‘Dante’s Inferno’, the interactive play where the audience walks through all nine circles of Dante’s Hell.   Meghan’s scene was played out in ‘Lust’.   All Meghan can say was he was wearing a goat mask.  “Someone else held my wrist.  He was wearing a hawk mask.  I just moved here six months ago from Hennepin, Minnesota.  This is the first play I auditioned for.”   What a cliché!   Why do small town girls with big city dreams keep moving to New York City?  Oh right, that’s where they shoot Law & Order SVU.

#4 Best Moment of the Show.  After Meghan’s interview, Amanda Rollins (Kelli Giddish) sums it all up, “Small town girl moves to the city.  She gets raped.  The audience applauses.”   Captain Craigen (Dann Florek) quips, “This is why the NEA was gutted.”  Me thinks he speaks the truth.

#3 Best Moment of the Show.  The trace of all the credit cards used to purchase show tickets leads the detectives to Jason Roberts (Adam Driver)’s apartment.  Three guesses who has the walls of his room covered with Meghan’s photos?  Ding Ding Ding.  That’s right.  Turns out, Jason Roberts, Meghan’s IT guy, has a live web cam installed in Meghan’s bedroom, shower, living room, etc.  You know, typical Class A Stalker moves.   He has had Meghan under 24 hour surveillance for “security” purposes for months.  But he’s not the perp!  There is someone else sicker than he is!!!   Another red herring leads the detectives to Judge Gerald Crane (Kevin Pollak), who admits to being in the play, and assaulting Meghan.   But he’s not the perp either!  There is someone else who set him up and is sicker than he is!!!

#2 Best Moment of the Show.   The resident techie, Leo Gerber, (Gilbert Gottfried) and the person of interest, Jason Roberts, sit side by side with their laptops.  It’s obvious some tech fun will ensue.  Jason proofs his innocence by bringing up web cam footage of him during the times emails were sent via Meghan’s fake ‘Sugar Babies’ web account.  He is seen giving his mother a foot massage.  That’s when Gilbert Gottfried jumps in, “What kind of camera is that?  Is that a motion activated camera?”  “It’s custom installed night vision.”  “ Motion activated is terrific, until she gets a cat.”  It’s obvious he’s stalked before.  Priceless.

Finally, the #1 Best Moment of the Show.  All the clues lead to Meghan’s ugly roommate, Holly Schneider (Gayle Rankin), who sets Meghan up due to her jealousy.  Rollins gets her to break by saying, “I get it.  I’m from a small town too.  I think I come up here, my life’s going to change.”  Holly loses it, “You don’t get it.  You’re just like Meghan.  Guys show up to help her.  It was my audition.  She just came to help me run lines.  As soon as Ted saw her, he wanted her, and you didn’t say no.  Do you know what I had to do for that audition?   I am so tired to be the ugly duckling.  I wanted you to know what it felt like to be dirty and used, to have to give it up.  It’s about time something bad happened in your life, don’t you think?"  The abusee becomes the abuser.   Rollins closes the scene, “All those abusive men in Meghan’s life, and she was betrayed by a woman.” 

Next week on Law & Order SVU, Harry Connick Jr. joins the force as David Hayden.  SVU will never be the same again.  It’s obvious Benson and he hit it off.  They share a kiss in the last shot.